The Field Of Stars

Lame excuse.

2011-12-14T09:43:00.006+01:00

After secconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years I deceided to update my blog again! Well all social network is happening on facebook nowdays, no-one really cares to read silly blogs anymore. That was my lame excuse instead of telling that I have been too lazy to put my laptop on.. yes people laptop lazy does exist!
Everything I do, I happen to do it on my phone.. hooray for technology~! Who needs laptops anyway?! It's almost Christmas! :D Remember that tree I posted last December? Well I've put that one in our room at my boyfriends house, it's the place we spend our time the most, looks so cosy now with the tree and the room decorations. I really like the Christmas holiday but I would like it better if I could celebrate it in Australia or somewhere else warm in winter haha! It's really cold over here and I am this person who even wears long sleeves when it's like 30 degrees outside, I'm such a coldycoldy, I don't think that it would make any difference if I were dead, would be as cold as I am now. xD The memory I wanted to share now is that we went to a christmas market in Dusseldorf, Germany, was the first time I went there and it was so cosy and romantic. We spent our money the most on food though, we bought crepes, some candy, nuts, we ate italian at some cosy dark restaurant, we got mezzo-mix and some kinder sweets. The mezzo-mix is a drink you can only buy in Germany, it's Fanta mixed with Cola and my boyfriend happens to like that haha. So I still haven't done my christmas shopping, I really have no idea what to get, I'm that crazy last minute shopper who's in a hurry because the stores close at 5, anyone with the some problem haha?!
Wishing you all a merry christmas, enjoy the presents but above all enjoy the love!

Love, Tien!

My Holiday!

2011-07-26T20:57:00.015+02:00

Life is just a visit.

2011-06-10T21:01:00.001+02:00

Remember always that you are just a visitor here, a traveler passing through. your stay is but short and the moment of your departure unknown. None can live without toil and a craft that provides your needs is a blessing indeed. But if you toil without rest, fatigue and weariness will overtake you, and you will denied the joy that comes from labor's end. Speak quietly and kindly and be not forward with either opinions or advice. If you talk much, this will make you deaf to what others say, and you should know that there are few so wise that they cannot learn from others. Be near when help is needed, but far when praise and thanks are being offered. Take small account of might, wealth and fame, for they soon pass and are forgotten. Instead, nurture love within you and and strive to be a friend to all. Truly, compassion is a balm for many wounds. Treasure silence when you find it, and while being mindful of your duties, set time aside, to be alone with yourself.
Cast off pretense and self-deception and see yourself as you really are. Despite all appearances, no one is really evil. They are led astray by ignorance. If you ponder this truth always you will offer more light, rather than blame and condemnation. You, no less than all beings have Buddha Nature within. Your essential Mind is pure. Therefore, when defilements cause you to stumble and fall, let not remorse nor dark foreboding cast you down. Be of good cheer and with this understanding, summon strength and walk on. Faith is like a lamp and wisdom makes the flame burn bright. Carry this lamp always and in good time the darkness will yield and you will abide in the Light.

TIEN.

London!

2011-05-12T20:24:00.000+02:00

London 08-05-2011

Happy Birthday!

2011-04-26T22:21:00.003+02:00

Happy Happy Birthday to... me!
Well..
Happy Birthday 7 days ago.
The world shouted ''IT'S A GIRL'' 7 days ago in 1989.

--> You come in cold,
You're covered in blood.
They're all so happy you've arrived.
The doctor cuts your cord,
He hands you to your mom,
She sets you free into this life.
And where do you go?..
With no destination, no map to guide you..??!

Life is such a funny thing, when I look back to my past, trying to remember forgotten memories..
Oh how I wish that the things that became forgotten would remain, would be remembered once again..
Because mainly the things we remember are the bad things that happened to us, the sad times, the fun parts we always tend to forget..
Yet the fun parts are those that are worth living for, those we still are looking forward to, the fun, hidden things that might happen to us during life..
Those things are worth to wake up for in the morning, worth to continue living, to keep moving on and on.

Happpy Birthday.

My boyfriend did a very special thing for me, something that shall always be remembered.
He made me a heart out of wood and it's beautiful.
I Love you.

TIEN!

I miss you

2011-03-26T19:24:00.003+01:00

Dear lovely people,

Have you ever had those missing certain people moments?
I am missing loads of people in my life.
Missing days in the past..
I don't really want to write out names but.. if we were friends some time ago then I probably also miss you too and think about you now and then.
I hope you feel loved, that someone cares about you and that you have loads of luck and happiness in your life.

With love, Tien.

Alleen

2011-03-10T21:44:00.003+01:00

i love you

2011-02-23T20:28:00.004+01:00

In the middle of the changing season,
I casually feel how long the day is.
In the midst of restless busy days,
You and I paint our dream.
Place our love on the winds of march,
A cherry blossom sprout will move on into spring.
Little specs of overflowing light,
Warm up the morning, little by little.
Standing at the entrance to a new world..
What I noticed was that I was not alone.
Closing my eyes and-
the you who I see behind my eyelids,
Has somehow helped me to become stronger.
I too,
Want to be like that for you.

TIEN.

God

2011-02-22T19:36:00.003+01:00

Hey all,

I just wanted to share this with you, feel free to e-mail me about it, you don't have to agree with my point of vieuw.
Thanks for reading!

When I was about 14 I started with questioning everything and re-thinking all that I was taught by humans in my surroundings.

The mind is a pretty thing when you know how to control it.
When you find the value of imagination.
Understand how to conquer the world.
Understand that imaginative conversations can be better than real ones, since a lot of people just don't care.
They don't care for your humor, taste in music, or your opinions.
They just want to get rid of you, have sex with you, or just use you for their purpose.
Actually interesting people think you're boring, since you don't know how to use words, misaligned your talking with your thinking, or you just are too fucking shy.

Around that time I started questioning religion, I remember nights sitting up crying because I didn't know what to believe in and I was so affraid that God would be so disappointed in me if I chose to believe wrongly because all I really wanted was just to be loved and feel loved so around that time I did found love in Christianity after exploring it all out.
Soon God and Jesus became my favourite subjects to think about, to write about and to have endless conversations about just to hear other people's oppinions.
I've heard ''God IS DEAD'' about a million times.
It's just the word 'God' became because of thousands of years abuse meaningless.
With abuse I mean that people who never caught a sight of the unendless greatness talk about it with conviction and use the name like they know what they are talking about or they argue about it like they know what they are denying.
I never really liked people who just never see beauty and happiness in something and who are always just complaining on how bad their life is.
But yeah God, I never really use the word just like that, I use it sometimes because I believe that it's bigger than my sense, to truly understand the definition of it.
So let's just say that I was very Christian and I started doubting everything I had been told about God, about Jesus, about the bible etc.
My view of God, Jesus, and the relationship between God and the earth, God and Jesus, God and us, and Jesus and us, as well as us and the earth changed completely.
Now I can continue to call me a Christian but of course a very different Christian.
So different that many Christians I know don't think I am a Christian.
They would consider me a heretic or someone who just lost the orthodox faith, the right doctrine. I just lost a lot of hope in humanity, not entirely but I lost a lot of it.
We are destroying ourselves and humanism cannot solve our problems on its own.
Religion will have to play a role in solving the problems we are in right now, so I have not yet lost my hope in religion.
There are limitations in the human-centred ethics, in regard to issues of economic social and gender justice, and environmental-human health.
A human-centred ethic cannot solve our problems on its own.
You take away religion and there isn't much left that teaches us to love another person as opposed to being selfish.
Society (the market economy) isolates competitiveness as the only value it isolates it from compassion, love.
We basically need everything we can to solve our problems.
We are really facing some major problems, environmental crisis, nuclear crisis, diseases, lack of resources, financial crisis...
Some people are even saying that we are facing the 6th extinction in the history of our planet (the last one killed off 95% of the organisms walking on land).
As much as I'm angry at the way the world is going, I don't want people to suffer.
Especially the people who are not causing this to happen..
Most people suffer in this world because they have the minimum.
Proper shelter, food, water..
why?
Because 20% of the population in the world consumes 80% of its resources and when it comes to global warming, the most unfair thing about global warming is that the countries that pollute the least (third world countries)are also the ones that are not ready to face the consequences of global warming and also the ones that will suffer the most from it.
While the countries that pollute the most (USA, Canada, China, Australia, etc.) are the ones that are the most prepared to face the consequences and also the ones that will suffer the least..
As much as I'm angry at the world, I don't want to see people suffer because Canadians and Americans and the Chinese- are releasing too many greenhouse gases.
People are already dying due to global warming even now the way things are going people will suffer a lot more than they are suffering right now and the poorest will suffer the most.
So in that respect I have changed, I see Christianity as praxis. and not so much as religion.
Just as Jesus took care of the poor, healed the sick, loved the ones who were marginalized in society (women, poor, sick, etc.)
Christians are called to do the same.
So to some extent I have become an environmentalist I think..
Not because I want humans to continue to survive so that they can continue to hate each other, kill each other, and oppress each other..
So they can continue to be horny and hurt each other but because God calls me to do so.
I try to answer his call.

TIEN.

&Bij

2011-02-20T14:59:00.003+01:00

VDay

2011-02-18T23:20:00.008+01:00

Happy fucking late valentines day!

''It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards.''

Why?.. :))

Well according to wikipedia *nerd!* there are many legends so I am not even going to waste time on writing about it, mainly because I was too lazy to read the whole page.
I just wanted to share MY story! ^-^

To be honest I was kind of looking forward towards Valentines day, that because for the first time I really am lucky and blessed to be with a man I honestly love.
I don't believe I ever really loved, as some of you follow my blog, probably have read some of my poetry.
Poems about how I thought love should be, love should feel, poems I wrote when I thought I loved but looking back at it now, I never really did.
Now, I even cannot write a poem, sounds so not romantic.. right? :)
It's just, there are no words to describe it and no sentence is as beautiful as the feeling inside and at the same time no sentence is as horrible as the feeling inside.
I believe we all have been at the 'I hope they'll stay and keep liking me' point.
There are no words because Maarten is spinning around my mind all the time, hoping that he eats well, sleeps well, feels lucky, feels happy, enjoys himself and even the thoughts that I could bare with being miserable as long as he has a smile on his face and as long as he's happy.
He inspires me to live more than anyone or anything, inspires me to even be better than I am.
There are two words comming close what love should be for me.
Infinite & Unconditional.
We are spending time for a while now, the clock was ticking towards 14th of february faster and faster but every seccond we spent together was a special one.
Noway that an official day for lovers could top that or could make it even more better, why would we just be special and lovely to each other on a specific day? it's ridiculous though, I believe that we should cherish our loved ones every day and tell them every day how special and beautiful they are and how much they mean in your life.
Maarten and me spent V.day watching 'Despicable Me' and it was the best V.day ever.

With all my love,
TIEN.

Don't forget to tell your loved ones that they're special and how much they mean for you.. even if it's your mom you tell it to, it's great to see them smile. :)

Because I love you

2011-02-10T20:06:00.001+01:00

Sad

2011-02-07T23:08:00.001+01:00

truth.

2011-02-03T14:20:00.000+01:00

If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments, and set out on a truth seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared -most of all- to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself....
then truth will not be withheld from you.

EGOBOOST.

2011-01-29T13:55:00.004+01:00

It's almost February, honestly I have no idea in what I have spent the couple of months.
Time scares me, so much things in life scare me but I always keep up that attitude outdoors, the not caring one, I bet you too have some kind of attitude.
Honestly when I am outside I feel better than all, better than the rest, better than this whole fucking world and nothing can crush this feeling. I don't care if your brand is Prada, your glasses are Chanel, your bag is Louis Vuitton, your shoes are Gucci and your everyday car is Ferrari Enzo because I, even with plain I feel better than that all and even with plain I am better than that all, I always had this attitute outside though.. an attitude I never wanted to lose, never wanted to break never wanted to change, because I am a strong person, a very lucky person, things just always come to me, someone somewhere must love me that things go so well in my life and I am very thankfull for that, I am very generous in giving and the best friend someone can have, I love my life, I love who I am, I love how I don't have the gossiping need, how I don't have the urge to let people fall hard by talking shit or doing shit, I love the way how I always can find something beautiful in someone.

You know, my life quote actually used to be: ''Do not depend on others'', bullshit!
If we do not depend on others, on what should we depend on then.. just ourselves???
Life is giving and taking and we need others, we need to fullfill their needs so that they can fullfill ours. It's a circle, like if we own a company we must give others a job so that they can do their best and make our company a succes, if we want to take a shit in a clean bathroom, we must give the cleaners a penny so that they do.
This is something that many people just don't get, we need to serve others to be served.
If we want to love someone, we must give them all our trust, we must believe in them, depend on them.
I am willing to do.
Breaking that attitude just for that one person.
Because I love him more than anything.
Even though I am scared but for him I will be more than that I am.
And even if I lose, if I fail at least I know that I gave my everything.
So should you do, we need to be scared of living, scared of falling and just live, just fall, the best thing of falling is that we always just can stand up and carry on, move on and learn again.

Dear readers, I wrote this blog because I want you to tell yourself what's beautiful about you, what makes you worth of things and what makes you a trustworthy person, I want you to tell yourself that you love yourself that you are the best damn thing God ever created.
Because you are!
Live life high even with plain.
This post is YOUR egoboost!

TIEN.

Maarten

2011-01-18T22:07:00.001+01:00

Merry Christmas Happy New Year

2010-12-16T01:26:00.003+01:00

I wish you all a MERRY CHRISTMAS & A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just to let you know that I won't update in January going on a trip tomorrow!
Thanks for visiting.~

Good things.

2010-12-13T19:37:00.001+01:00

Have you even been in that possiton when everything just seems to be way too good to be true.
And that it's hard to believe that certain things are happening to you?
I actually started this blog to understand myself, write to be understood..
Speak to be heard and read to grow.
I never tought that people would actually read it, it's you who make me to keep updating.
But unfortunately I have not learnt to understand myself.
And I still don't understand why it is so hard for me to believe that good things can happen in my life.
I don't understand why it's so hard to give away my heart.
Why it's so hard to trust someone blindly.
There are many things I do not understand..
Yet smart they do call me.
I don't think being smart has to do much with knowledge..
Rather how you use that knowledge.
Life is always overflowing with new things, I think it's rather necessary to accept those new things and empty out the old.
Maybe someday I'll be able to accept and believe without doubting and questioning that good things do happen and that I am worth of them.
Feel free to e-mail me about it if you have the same and like to talk about it, I don't accept comments because of spam.

Love, Tien.

Random

2010-12-11T19:39:00.004+01:00

Random Questions.

Where were you 3 hours ago?
In the grocery store.

Who are you in love with?
:D

Have you ever eaten a crayon?
Oh yeah, I do that all the time, the red ones are the best.

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
A hairclip.

When is the last time you went to the mall?
Today.

Are you wearing socks right now?
I am.

Do you have clothes worth over $200?
Yesh.

When was the last time you went out of town?
Yesterday.

Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
I have seen Narnia 3. yesterday.

Are you hot?
Rather cold. :(

What was the last thing you had to drink?
Water.

What are you wearing right now?
Pants.

Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
I let the car wash the car.

Last food that you ate?
Dinner.

Where were you last week at this time?
At this time I was still at home.

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
I bought new boots.

When is the last time you ran?
Eh..

What's the last sporting event you watched?
That would be worldcup xD

What is your favorite animal?
A bird.

Your dream vacation?
Asia.

Last person's house you were in?
Linda's.

Worst injury you've ever had?
Well when you have your injury it's like the end of the world but now none seems worst.

Have you been in love?
I have.

Do you miss anyone right now?
I do.

Last play you saw?
I never saw a play, I should go hmm.

What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Not sure if I have one xD.

What are your plans for tonight?
Going out with my friend Astrid and other people.

Who is the last person you sent a message?
Astrid.

Next trip you are going to take?
Hah almost! :D

Ever go to camp?
Never.

Were you populair in school?
I was the nobody gets along with everybody.

What do you want to know about the future?
Nothing.

Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
I'm wearing perfum Versace bright crystal.

Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
I am not.

Where is your best friend?
She's hanging christmas decorations in her grandmothers tree.

How is your best friend?
A little ill, thank you for asking.

Do you have a tan?
Maybe a little.

What are you listening to right now?
Nothing.

Do you collect anything?
Japanese things.

Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
My dad. xD

Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
Long time ago.

Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
No I usually eat the straw and drink my soda after.

What does your last text message say?
'okay, i'll see you appear whenever'

Do you like hot sauce?
I don't like sauce.

Last time you took a shower?
Today.

Do you need to do laundry?
No.

What is your heritage?
I don't know.

Are you someone's best friend?
I am.

Are you rich?
I am a student, says enough eh?

What were you doing at 12AM last night?
I was running to catch the last train.

Antony and the Johnsons

2010-12-09T15:35:00.002+01:00

Mr. Muscle forcing bursting,
Stingy thingy into little me, me, me.
But just "ripple" said the cripple,
As my jaw dropped to the ground.
Smile smile.

It's true I always wanted love to be,
Hurtful.
And it's true I always wanted love to be,
Filled with pain-
And bruises.

Yes, so Cripple-Pig was happy,
Screamed " I just compeletely love you!
And there's no rhyme or reason.
I'm changing like the seasons.
Watch! I'll even cut off my finger.
It will grow back like a Starfish!

Mr. Muscle, gazing boredly,
And he checking time did punch me.
And I sighed and bleeded like a windfall.
Happy bleedy, happy bruisy.

I am very happy,
So please hit me.
I am very happy,
So please hurt me.

I am very happy,
So please hit me.
I am very very happy,
So come on hurt me.

I'll grow back like a Starfish
Like a Starfish...

-Antony and the Johnsons.

Like

2010-12-08T15:07:00.004+01:00

CUTE! ♥

And all the birds shall sing at dawn

2010-12-07T21:36:00.001+01:00

Dislikes

2010-12-05T02:10:00.004+01:00

Don't you just hate it when there's something under the table, you want to pick it up and SMASH your head on the way up.
Yeah.. happens to me all the time.
So let's talk about dislikes in life!
I always used to say that I don't dislike anything but when I gave it a thought that was probably the biggest lie I ever told!
And telling lies is something I also really really dislike haha!
So what do YOU dislike?
Well here's my list!
There's actually a way more to dislike but even this list got me scared of how much I disliked that I just stopped thinking about it! :P

-Looking for something to eat.
(checking the fridge, nope nothing- the pantry? nope nothing good. Oh the freezer might have something.. wrong again. Sheesh, is there anything to eat in this house??! let's check the fridge again.)
-That little triangle that windshield wipers don't clean drives me nuts!
-When girls pretend to be stupid to get attention.
-People who think they're vampires. (don't. even. ask.)
-People you trust with your secrets and they go around and tell it.
-When you say something and nobody listens.
-People who hate people for how they dress, like seriously what the fuck?!
-Intruding parents.
-When somebody takes forever to respond to something important.
-People who just 'blablabla' all the time and don't let others talk.
-Gaining weight :(
-Being bored.
-When people say that they don't care.
-Being an awkward person sometimes. xD
-People who think they know it all.
-When ten year olds swear.
-Children with make-up on, disgusting.
-People who don't finish a sentence. (the movie was awesome because the dog.... -???the dog did what?!)
-How EVERYONE in your life has proven themselves untrustworthy at least once.
-People who think that other animals are inferior.
-When people say one thing and then they say a completely different thing. (oh wait, no I like that too.)
-Dramatic girls.
-Sexrapist men.
-Not being in highschool anymore :(
-Teachers who don't admit they made a mistake.
-When summer vacation ends.
-Looking for a pen when you really need one and there just is none.

♥

Outoutout

2010-12-03T04:55:00.004+01:00

Last night was fun,
Want to share some silly photos with you.
Happy thursday! :)))

Ten things I like

2010-12-02T03:51:00.001+01:00

For Marco~
When you read.

10 things I like about you!

1)Your sense of humor.
2)Your intelligence.
3)Your ability to talk about a range of subjects.
4)Your silly pictures.
5)Your smile.
6)Your shyness.
7)Your love for chicken wings! xD
8)Your abilty for making me stay up way too long just to talk.
9)Your shared stories the funny ones as the sad ones.
0)Your love for your family.

Thank you for reading my silly blog. =3

拥抱

Why?

2010-11-30T20:19:00.001+01:00

Sometimes I wonder why humans can walk.
Or why some are privileged to have all- while others do not have at all.
Sometimes I do wonder about the purpose of meaning;
About fear it self.
About if we really are tested to perhaps have a place somewhere better.
Humans don't really think about the things that they can do..
How perfect they are.
How amazing they're built and how perfectly everything works.
They way they move, eat, talk, understand, walk.
Humans in my surroundings only think about appearance.
To have the best jewelery wrapped around their arm;
In the meaning of jewelery it doesn't matter if it's a piece of metal or showing off with other life.
Only that or those who're good looking ones will make it around your arm or on your television, in your magazine.
For me, all are good looking ones and all should be pround to be so perfect.
Yet humans in my surroundings probably do not have other concerns, for the basic needs to live-
Are already there.
When my existence seems to disappear,
I will look for the place where I can do the best I can.
From now on,
I'll deliberate slowly.
I won't be impatient.
I won't be greedy.
I won't give up.
Because everyone takes things step by step.
No matter how much we look back at the past, we never go back.
We can not change what has already happened.
But People shouldn't dwell on the past.
It's enough to try your best- in all that you're doing now.
And eventhough you may fall down- you can always stand up again on your own two feet.
Look up at the sky and notice how it is always reaching endlessly,
Smiling, I am alive.
Through life everyone feels pain, one way or another.
Sometimes reality is too cruel, too brutal..
If we can beat the pain a rainbow of happiness awaits us.
I am sure of that.
With life, it's like that for everyone.
One day,
When it comes..
I'd like to sleep around alot of flowers.

Tien.

Frankfurt am Main

2010-11-29T15:05:00.001+01:00

I love this city so much!
Because of reasons I cannot even explain.
Frankfurt am Main, Germany, is where I've spent my weekend.
Hope you too had a great one!

Liking

2010-11-24T13:19:00.003+01:00

Ever liked someone you could just bitchslap all the time?
Someone who's just insanely annoying?
Someone who just can get the blood under your nails?
Yet someone you feel like nothing without?
Well...

I have.
And his name does start with an E. xD
You're an idiot but I like you! n___n

WAR

2010-11-23T06:07:00.007+01:00

:-(

We are playing God and we do not want to be human anymore.
Mi se igramo Boga i mi ne želimo biti čovjek više.
Wir spielen Gott und wir wollen keine menschen mehr sein.
Wij spelen God en wij willen geen mensen meer zijn.
我々は神をプレイしている、我々はもう人間にはなりたくありません。
我們扮演上帝，我們不希望被人了。
우리는 하나님을 연주하고 우리가 더 이상 인간이되고 싶어하지 않습니다.
Nous jouons Dieu et nous ne voulons pas d'être humain plus.
Estamos jugando a ser Dios y no queremos ser más humanos.
Stiamo giocando Dio e noi non vogliamo essere umano più.
אנחנו משחקים אלוהים ואנחנו לא רוצים להיות אנושיים יותר.
Chúng tôi đang chơi Thiên Chúa và chúng tôi không muốn làm người nữa.
Мы играем Бога и мы не хотим быть человеком больше.
Nos es lascivio Deo nolumus esse hominem tolli.
Παίζουμε τον Θεό και δεν θέλουμε να είσαι άνθρωπος πια.
Tanrı'nın oynuyor ve biz artık insan olmak istemiyorum.
نحن نلعب الله ونحن لا نريد أن يكون الإنسان بعد الآن.

//Aren't we?

Lee Man Ho.

2010-11-22T21:28:00.001+01:00

-TIEN.

Ich liebe dich

2010-11-22T18:36:00.001+01:00

Empfängst Du mein Signal?
Doch jedes Wort ist streng Geheim–
Ich rufe Dich, komm schalt dich ein.. ;]
So wie ein Telegraph, schick ich Dir mein Signal,
Konzentriere Dich auf mich–
Empfange mein;
„ICH LIEBE DICH“.

Hello Kitty And Pikachu.

2010-11-21T21:45:00.005+01:00

Have you ever been to the movies and had someone ask you ''Did you see that?'' .. no idiot, I didn't, I paid €10,- to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.
Or when you lost something and you're desperate to find it, when you finally do you hear someone say: ''yeah, it's just always hidden at the last place you look'' ..ofcourse it is?? why the hell would you still keep looking after you've found it?
Yesterday several people asked me for the time, as if I'm retarded they pointed to their wrist, well I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours?.. so, do I need to point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?..
Annoying things in life.
I extremely have that with Hello Kitty and Pikachu, it just really annoys the shit out of me.
It's freaking everywhere and it's always the same picture, Hello Kitty sewingmachine, Hello Kitty guitar, Hello Kitty dildo, really people?..
I remeber this saying ''My Pokemon bring all the nerds to the yard and they're like wanna trade cards?'' The most annoying thing I find about Pokemon is that people don't even REALLY like it, most just pretend because it's apparently the most insane thing to like while being 20, meh why? :[
Guess what, you'll never catch em all, I already did when I was 7.
Hate me.

Lie

2010-11-20T18:40:00.007+01:00

hello..
i am the LIE
living for you
so you can
hide...

Placebo Effect.

2010-11-19T01:35:00.007+01:00

PLACEBO EFFECT

Don't you wish you never met her?
'Fall apart... &then start again'

Under the ground in the dark I lay,
As you are in the sky,
If skies would break,
And the clouds were explosions,
Pierced by thousands of stars.
Would you drop by?
I would set my heart on fire,
I do not care for myself,
Just to light your sight,
Because I can see in darkness.
All alone in space and time,
There is nothing here,
But what's here, is mine.
When God looked down on me,
You saw through my disguise.
How I love my tragedies.
Hard to breathe..
I try,
I try,
I try.
Please don't die...
Far too long I have waited,
For you to become mine.
I want to be you.
The wind in your hair.
The blood in your vain.
Why can't you,
Be me?
Instead of, your voice makes me cry,
Along with the words of goodbye.
Hard to breathe..
I try,
I try,
I die.
Just leave me here to pass through time,
I'm only dancing with my ego,
As you gave up on everything that's true.
And I..
Forgot to take my meds.

Don't you wish you never met her?
'Fall apart... &then start again'

©TIEN

Away.

2010-11-18T01:10:00.017+01:00

''I used to go away for weeks in a state of confusion.''
-Albert Einstein.

Veni Vidi Vici, I guess.
Without getting in much details of past for past should be left behind us.
But I have found out that most people are just a cock in dildo disguise.
Trying to be perfect and well shaped while hiding true skin.
I find that discovery rather sad.

On my journey of away, I really had great times and not so great times.
The not so great times were when my granny died, I really loved her.
And when my ex boyfriend turned out to be a liar and a cheater, that is why I have not kept the blogs I had written about him, for there was little truth between the lines, but I have forgiven and moved on with my life.
Apart from that mostly fun things have happened such as I have found new love and I have been twice on holiday, I have met amazing people and I have visited loads of concerts and seen alot of good movies.
I enjoyed summer, for it is my favourite season, I didn't felt like spending alot of time behind my laptop, also my mind wasn't really set to write.
But I do want to share some of my favourite photos of happenings with you all!

Life is great!
I hope you do too, smile always!!
With Love.

:]

2010-03-05T14:41:00.005+01:00

Look what I've found today!

These little flowers always made me happy when they would appear.

Also I got a very sweet e-mail from a friend.
I will share the parts I liked the best with you.
Maybe, it will make you think about certain things in your life..
And maybe, it even will make you feel happy for a moment. :)
This is a part of the e-mail:

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.
If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge.
One thing you can give and still keep is your word.
You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself.
If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
Ideas won't work unless 'You' do.
Your mind is like a parachute, it functions only when open.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!
It is never too late to become what you might have been.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets, so love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

♥.

Lunch.

2010-03-01T22:03:00.002+01:00

This.
Is.
The.
BEST
Lunch
ever!!

Happy March ya'll :D!

Don't quit poem.

2010-02-24T10:06:00.002+01:00

I found this on the internet, it made me smile.
I think we've all been in this kind of possition in life.
Basically it's what makes us human.
Thought I'd share!
It's written by Anthony Fernando.
Isn't it what we all want to hear, beautiful words when things seem the worst.
Sometimes, they even help.
I hope these words will make you smile too.

When things go wrong,
As they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging,
Seems all up hill,
When funds are low,
And the debts are high,
And you want to smile,
But you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must...
But don't you quit.
Life is a queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out-
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things seems worst,
That you must not quit.

Sunshine

2010-02-21T15:30:00.000+01:00

It's february 21st.
But I swear I can smell March!
Yesterday was good, quite cold but good.
I was shined by the sun.
I love it when you close your eyes while pointing your face towards the sun.
I love the colors you see, I love the warmt on your face even if it's cold outside.
The colors I see are red, orange, yellow and white.
Well it aren't really those colors..
I believe the ones that I see have not yet been named, these colors come close to it.
When you look at the trees you actually can see buds.
Things like that make me happy.
Things like that always made me happy though.
It just felt so good to be shined by the sun that I had to write about it!!
Today is great too, I made Banana bread and Chocolate covered strawberries.
Now I'm waiting for a friend to come over and I'm about to make an Apple cake.
YumYum, yay! for sundays and the here and now.
Love, Tien

Winter.

2010-02-16T22:14:00.001+01:00

Winter winter winter.
Snow snow snow.
I don't really believe it has ever been so harsh.
At least not in the area where I live.
People who complain about the snow frustrate me the most though.
Just put on a fucking jumper if you're cold.
And get some decent shoes if you're affraid for a facesmash into the snow.
All I've heard the past two months were people who bitched on the weather.
It frustrates me that when people have sunshine they complain that it's too warm.
When people have rain they complain it's too wet.
When people have snow they complain it's too cold.
It's never alright and they're never statisfied.
People always need more and they always need different?.
Why's that?
Because we take everything for granted.
We even don't know what true joy means.
Why is it that a child gets excited when it snows?
Why is it that when children grow up small things like snow aren't worthy to get excited for?
You know..
I actually used to say that I hated snow.
That I hated many things.
Stupid.
I don't hate anything.
I even don't know how to hate something..
The world is fine as it is.
Even if there are many problems to deal with.
Because seriously.
If you knew that tomorrow would not come..
Wouldn't you regret that you spent days locked up between four walls instead of going outside those four walls..
and play.
No matter how much snow there is, no matter how much rain falls, no matter how hot the sun shines..
All is just fine.
So stop with complaining it's not that you achieve much out of it.
I've had facesmashes, buttcrashes, ice-slips this winter.
It's just a part of this world.
It's stupid to waste it in a four walled room with stupid fantasies about a world that 'could' be.
Because for some..
Tomorrow really does not come.

TIEN.

Nobuta Wo Produce

2010-02-10T02:08:00.004+01:00

Nobuta Wo Produce is one of the best shows I've ever seen.
It's a Japanese drama about a very shy girl (Nobuta) and two totally different guys are trying to make her populair, they call it 'producing' so they become all friends.
There isn't anything that's bad about this show.
Also, I totally fell in love with the Kusano Akira character! n_n
~TIEN!

Let's be nothing.

2010-02-01T02:49:00.003+01:00

The scent of the blooming flowers,
Has left as the seasons pass by.
The rain stops and there are clouds in the sky.
Walking from today to tomorrow,
Our memories will always be there,
Unchanging-
Forever blooming, never withering.
The pounding of my heart will never cease..
More than anyone,
I gaze at you.
With this feeling that never changes.
The day when we met,
How many times in the world,
has a miracle like this happened?
Who shall I thank?
I know your future will be perfect for me.
There will be nights when I can't say it.
I even may cry..
But forever, forever.
It may pass, but it will not fade
In the wind, under the sky I wait
If I believe..
Then your smile,
Will surely become my flower.
Let's be nothing.
Nothing lasts forever.
We can go anywhere.

Room.

2009-12-30T22:38:00.008+01:00

My room with Christmas decoration which next week has to go :(
Tien!
&.. it's pretty Japan obsessed. XD

Heart of the ocean.

2009-12-28T14:04:00.002+01:00

She wanders on the ocean,
Once upon a day, many times ago,
She lost the path; leading to her freedom.
Now, surrounded by nothing,
Just some friendly clouds as company.
She finally finds the ship of sorrows.
Great and mighty sailing,
Without his master,
And only in the shaddows.
Many hands are reaching,
Through the windows,
Where she cannot see her reflection.
Eventhough hundred of fingers,
Touch her appearance,
Her feet are melted with water,
She cannot enter the ship.
Wandering she keeps,
Knowing she's close,
Looking for her heart,
Lost in the ocean.

©TIEN

Blood

2009-12-24T21:01:00.001+01:00

In a normal way I can't stand blood to see,
But how damn good it feels,
To see you suffering.

My heart used to beat only your name,
How often you said yours did the same.

So beautiful to see you suffering,
So beautiful to see your blood on everything.

We used to shine brighter than the brightest star,
We used to fly high, higher and far.

How easy a world can collapse,
How hard it is,
For two worlds to meet.

Now,
Cry your tears and please
Just leave.

©TIEN

L'arc en Ciel

2009-11-20T19:47:00.002+01:00

L'ARC~EN~CIEL - HITOMI NO JUUNIN

Kazoe kirenai...
demo sukoshi no saigetsu wa nagare
Ittai kimi no koto wo
Dore kurai wakatteru no ka na?
Yubisaki de chizu tadoru you ni wa
Umaku ikanai ne
Ki zuite iru yo fuan sou na kao
Kakushiteru kurai
Isogiashi no ashita e to teikou suru you ni
Kake mawatte itemo fushigi na kurai...
Kono mune wa kimi wo egaku yo

Miagereba kagayaki wa iroasezu afurete ita
Donna toki mo terashiteru
Ano taiyou no you ni nareta nara

Mou sukoshi dake kimi no niou ni...dakarete itai na
Soto no kuuki ni kubiwa wo hikare
Boku wa se wo muketa
Shiroku nijinda
Tameiki ni shirasareru toki wo
Kurikaeshinagara futo omou no sa...
Naze boku wa koko ni irun darou?

Soba ni ite zutto kim ino egao wo
Mitsumete itai
Utsuriyuku shunkan wo sono hitomi ni sunde itai
Doko mademo odayaka na shikisai ni irodorareta
Hitotsu no fuukeiga no naka
Yorisou you ni toki wo tomete hoshii eien ni
Sona ni ite zutto kimi no egao wo
Mitsumete itai
Utsuriyuku shunkan wo sono hitomi ni sunde itai

Itsu no hi ka azayaka na kisetsu e to
Tsure dasetara
Yuki no you ni sora ni saku hana no moto e...hana no moto e

The Promise

2009-11-07T19:46:00.003+01:00

When I used to be in highschool my 'religion' teacher let us listen to some songs.
I was cleaning my room and found that CD!
I know when I was all listening to Plus One - The Promise.
It was like the best damn song ever.
Gah, I can't believe how I have changed..
Sometimes I still wish that I found The Promise the best damn song ever...
Too bad life does not work like the backspace button on your keyboard.

Plus One - The Promise

I know that lately
Things have been so hard
And looking out
Through your broken heart
All you can see is dark
And lonely days ahead
But remember Jesus said

He knows every star in the sky
Every single tear that you cry
His love is here faithful and alive
I know that this world can be cold
In His arms you're never alone
That's His promise to you and I

When hope has disappeared
And your heart aches
You might not recognize
The touch of grace
But on the other side
Of every dying dream
His love is waiting patiently

He knows every star in the sky
Every single tear that you cry
His love is here faithful and alive
I know that this world can be cold
In His arms you're never alone
That's His promise to you and I

With every angel there's a love
That never leaves your side
His love is deeper than the ocean
Or a mountain high
You've got to know
There's hope in your heart

And if you listen with your heart
I know you'll hear Him say
You are My child and I am with you
Each and every day
He is the one who knows your soul

Tien.

Ich danke allen.

2009-11-02T11:45:00.003+01:00

Ich danke allen, die mich belogen haben,
Sie haben mir die Kraft der Warheit gezeigt.
Ich danke allen, die nicht an mich geglaubt haben,
Sie haben mir zugemutet, Bergen zu versetzen.
Ich danke allen, die mich abgeschrieben haben,
Sie haben meinen Mut geweckt.
Ich danke allen, die mich verlassen haben,
Sie haben mir Raum gegeben für Neues.
Ich danke allen, die mich verraten haben,
Sie haben mich wachsam werden lassen.
Ich danke allen, die mich verletzt haben,
Sie haben mich gelehrt, im Schmerz zu wachsen.
Ich danke allen, die meinen Frieden gestört haben,
Sie haben mich stark gemacht, dafür einzutreten.
Vor allen aber danke ich all jenen,
die mich lieben, so wie ich bin.

TIEN.

Goodbye.

2009-10-22T10:06:00.000+02:00

Laying spending my days,
In this room made for sorrow,
Between the door and the window,
My bed is breathing for you,
But this is my decision,
Replacing life for grief.
Many do wonder.
But I cannot move on,
Not even a metre.
I have been ready,
To take down,
Thousands of stars,
From heaven.
To realize every single...
wish you wanted.
Don't worry,
You also will have it good,
With another.
Someday I will find a suitcase for my memories.
You don't owe me anything for loving you.
So I want you to know that,
it doesn't matter.
Even though,
Sometimes you could have loved me better.

©TIEN

There's never a right time..

2009-10-05T16:26:00.002+02:00

There's never a right time to say goodbye..
Talking about myself, I know that I am pretty much a complicated person and usually I make decisions for myself, also concidering other people.
It's quite bad to make decisions for others just because you feel that way.
For me, it just really was time to say goodbye to a past I cannot take with me to a well known future, one we already once have lived.
Usually when someone liked me, I did my best to prove how horrible I am and that there absolutely is nothing to like about me.
I don't know why I tried so hard not to be liked, honestly I quite am worth the effort to be known. It's time to grow up, time to stop wandering in the past of an worthless youth and trying to relive it at the age of 20.
There are too many goals to reach.
Too many other things I have to do.
I can't take Peter Pan with me anymore...
I feel free.
I don't have to live in the shadow of someone's heart anymore, there where always everything went wrong.

TIEN

Co-Myv.

2009-10-01T12:07:00.005+02:00

Miyavi, Miyavi, Miyavi!!
I went to his concert 27-09-09 @ Tivoli in The Netherlands.
Honestly I wasn't too excited that day, I didn't really cared much because I had a milion of other things on my mind.
Seriously even if he stood before me I wouldn't care at all, he's just a person anyways.
Eventhough...
It was a really great evening and I am glad that I had a ticket and friends that like Japanese rock too. I have met some people who went alone because nobody they knew was into Miyavi.
Also I have met some nice people I hope to stay in touch with.
They are so lucky to be able to play in front of such a hudge public.
When I used to play in a band we were happy if 15 people showed up, HAHA.

TIEN

Dead birds.

2009-08-30T21:25:00.005+02:00

As the weather is changing the summer is passing by.
I quite do miss autumn leafs, the rainy days and the dark mornings, I miss wearing long coats and boots.
Today I smell like Armani and right now I am listening to piano music from Yiruma.
I feel comfortable yet lonely, being alone is good at times.
Also I have not written for a very long time and I do notice that I have a hard time with using words mainly because my blog used to be alot of crap and sillyness, I don't want to write about crap anymore. I don't want to be THAT joke, therefor I have deleted some of my older posts. This morning was great, not too sunny, not too cloudy, not too warm and not too cold, after having my blueberry cup of tea I went outside to walk with the dog.
Walking in the park there was a bird who screamed for help, it was the saddest thing I've ever seen.. bloody and it was making sad sounds, I couldn't come closer because I was with my dog and I was affraid that he would kill the bird, it's a husky dog and they do hunt.
Now I feel bad that I've left it there but then again if I took it with me home I really would not know how to help it and how to heal it.. I would try but I'm sure I'd end up hurting the bird even more. Most people always let chances to do good slip away though and after they have a bunch of worthless excuses, I wonder why that is. Weakness?

Tien.

Why do we fall?

2009-03-22T15:25:00.001+01:00

Why do we fall?
So we can learn how to pick ourselves back up.

It Only Beats Your Name.

2009-03-09T00:07:00.004+01:00

Feathers are falling,
Falling, Falling,
Tear drops are falling.
Falling,
Down into the silence of the ground.

From the corpses flowers grow,
From the corpses roses glow.
I'm holding my heart inside my hands,
In a field full of stars,
Staring at your back, walking toward the horizon,
Happily smiling, smiling, shined by the sun.
Still I completely love you.
Tear drops,
Feathers keep falling.

I've been searching for my wings sometime,
In several places inside of my dreams.
I am a bird girl again, and bird girls can fly.
Even though, my heart is in my chest again,
It only beats your name.
Never forgetting,
The lips that touched it once.
But that all,
In an other world.

©TIEN.

At the edge of the white world.

2009-03-05T12:31:00.004+01:00

Far, far away,
The sea of grass sways back and forth.
Take a walk, Take a walk.
Happily wandering wondering.
At the end of time.
violins are floating in the dark sky.
Sounding brilliantly, playing songs of sorrow.
Do you still remember?
Or have you forgotten?
Those perfect black eyes,
Projecting many futures,
Even more than the glow of the stars.
Standing here, underneath the tree of life,
Holding one beautiful heart.
Although it will never reach you,
I will still make a wish here,
At the edge of the white world,
Where the rain cannot reach anymore.

©TIEN.

Whispers in the dark.

2009-03-04T13:57:00.005+01:00

I've heard alot of talk about living.
About achieving,
About being someone and trying your best.
Fighting to be seen and climbing the ladder endlessly.
But I know that I can hear the birds as clear..
just when I'm down here.
They say I will never reach the stars.
Nailed to the wall and just hanging around here..
But I don't care just if I'm down here, down here with you.
Hearing the birds clearly only with you.
Would you walk with me?
Would you hold my hand?
Till the end of the street and beyond?
With me untill the sun goes down?

When I close my eyes at night,
Dreams are moving swiftly by.
You know..
I've always searched for you.
In the days I've been living, the dreams I've been dreaming..
Even in the thoughts I've been thinking.
I can't help that it is true.
I want to help you through your days.
I want to help you through your nights.
Would you hold my hand?

As I try to reach your hand, you see mine is freezing.
I wish I had the courage to say all these things out loud.
I wish I was not alone, not alone all the time in my head.
Stucked with so much feelings I close up.
Behind these thoughts I am hiding from you,
Behind this heart I am waiting for you.
I want to hear you breathing, speaking,
I do remember everything you say.
Whispering through the night and looking to my reflection
As the moon is shining and the rain is falling knowing that this love is right.

©TIEN.